Suicide..

Sweet, sweet suicide.
The world's, oldest, sickest and yet most perfect choice.
I'm not endorsing it. Promoting it. Or saying it's correct. But choice..
Choice is the name of the game in today's world..
It is all about getting up and TAKING what you want..
Everyone considers people who want to commit/think about suicide as ILL, crazy, nuts..
all the usual phrases that people put to things that they just cannot understand..
Like with illness's people do not understand. They did not understand leprosy,
they did not understand AID's.. So those people were ignored,
shunned for things that were not there fault. We are past the 2000's,
supposedly a modern world yet we still cant move on it this blaming people,
taunting people, hurting people in many ways because of things we do not understand.
When the worst comes to the worst and people continue to 'refuse' to be 'normal' just lock them away until they conform.

Yes, many people who wish for, suicide are ill.. desperately ill.. wanting help, but others don't want the help anymore.. or at all. Some people are too proud to let people in, too ashamed to allow people to see how things really are for them..
I know I hide alot of my illness from others; I feel shame about things I do, say and ways I act with some people.. When I'm down from my high, I feel shame about my sexual activities, about the amount of money I manage to spend and not being sure generally what it's been spent on.. On my lows, I am ashamed, that I self-harm, I have thoughts and maybe even acts of suicide and attempted suicide, I don't tell people about my fasts, the exercise, purging and the hate of myself.

No, this is all kept inside, a secret, not to be known by anyone who will see me in real life..
I cannot tell my psychiatrist, my support workers.. I will not be put back into a unit so I have to pretend every day.. Pretend because all these ignorant people wont allow any difference in our societies, we are supposed be allowed freedom, choice, speech, lifestyle, yet if you are outside the norm, you are ill. Am I wrong for wanting to like my body, the way I look, so what if I go about it in slightly different ways then others may. Self-harm, cutting, hurting myself for relief.. how different is that from smoking.. drinking until you pass out, people messing around with drugs, both street and pescription drugs.. misused and abused..

I am not the same as other people, but I dont mind that. But one day the world will see just how messed up 'normal' really is.