I'd got my head around it abit more..
My little sister told me she wanted to kill herself.
My LITTLEST sister; for gods sake she's only 12 what is this
world coming too. I'm sad, angry and feel completely useless.
[Not angry at her, you'll understand;angry at the reasons for her feeling this way]
Our baby of the family has severe learning difficulties so struggles intensely with communication. My dad had mentioned to me that he didn't
think she was coping well with mum's illness and her being back
home again after so long away.. but when he'd spoken to her
about it, he only got shrugs and 'I dont knows'
Like I said, communication is definately not her strong point. Nor
is relating to other people.. or change. So all three within one is
NOT going to be something she can cope with..
Anyway, I was over there looking out for mum whilst dad was working,
my other sisters went upstairs with my mum and were busy with whatever..
She was drawing.. and asked if she could show me her pictures..
She sat across the edge of the chair slightly over me and opened her
book and explained her pictures to me. I flicked through the book;
she'd done quite a lot.. I opened the book to the back and it said
*spelt wrong* 'I hete mum' I asked her about it and she took her
book away from me. I turned and put my arms around her and
said lets have a chat.
Me: So is that how you feel about mum?
Sister: Yeah, I dont know, Sometimes.
Me: When did you write this?
Sister: *shrugs* Last month.
Me: And do you still feel the same now?
Sister: Yeah.
Me: When you think about mum how does it make you feel?
Sister: Angry. I hate her so much. She's not nice.
Me: In what way is she not nice?
Sister: She doesn't talk to me anymore.
She's always busy with the others. No-one talks to me anymore.
Me: Is that whats making you so sad?
*Sister crying by this point* Sister: Sort of. But not only that.
Me: What else is going on?
Sister: I can't tell you.
Me: Why not?
Sister: I just can't.
Me: Is this anything to do with school? How's that going now?
No, more bullying? *she'd been being bullied but it's sorted* Sister: No, I'm not, not anymore. But no-one talks to me.
Me: No-one?
Sister: Except to answer the register I can not talk and no-one would care.
Me: What about friends? Break and lunch times?
Sister: I don't have any friends. They all hate me at school.
At break and lunch I sit in the libary or computer room by myself.
Me: Is that social group they put you in not helping then?
Sister: No.
Me: Well, you have only been there 2 terms babe.. maybe it'll just take a little time.
Sister:*shrugs*
Me: Is that whats making you really sad? Is it boys? The girls?
When did you last see 'C' *her friend from her last school before she changed to a special needs school* Sister: I don't have any friends Steph, even 'C' wont play with me anymore because I'm stupid.
Me: Have you not seen her since moving schools?
Sister: No.
Me: Maybe you cant start some after school clubs and things to get to know more people there?
Sister: Can't, the bus doesn't drop off here that late.
Me: Well, I'm sure we can figure something out.
maybe she was worried about being over heard, plus she's
not keen on being directly looked at when being spoken to
[like me; but I cope better with walks && talks]
Me:So are you gonna tell me whats getting you so upset?
Please, I'm not going to be angry babe, I just wanna help
and I can't help unless you tell me whats wrong.. Sister:*looking away* I want to kill myself
Me: Have you told anyone else this? I'm glad you've told me.
How long have you felt like this? Sister: A few weeks maybe?.
Me: Have you thought about how'd you do it?
Sister: No. But it'd make everything better.
Me: How would it? We'd all miss you.
Sister: No they wouldn't. They wouldn't care.
They've got mum back now so I get ignored.
Me: That doesn't mean they wouldn't care. Babe, I'm not trying to
excuse them because ignoring you isnt right, but they are very very
busy at the moment sorting all the stuff out for mum now she's finally home.. Sister: It's always about mum.
Me: Does that make you angry?
Sister: Yes. It's like she gets to be horrible and gets her own way all the time.
Me: I would miss you.
Sister: You are the only one that cares Steph. Can't I come and live with you?
Me: Babe, if I could have you I would, believe me, but it's just not something that gonna happen.. I wouldn't be deemed stable enough I dont think..
Sister: I hate being at home. All 'T' && 'G' *other sisters* do all the time is have a go at me, or laugh at me because I'm stupid. I hate being stupid. It's not fair.
Me: That's not fair, and we'll talk to Dad about it and see if he can stop them, okay? Plus your not stupid babe, you are just as clever as other people, you just learn in a different way.. everyone learns in different ways.. I have to use lots of pretty coloured pens and stickers when I'm learning to help me remember just like you use your extra things to help you.
Sister: None of them listen to me.
Me: Well, I'll come with you and we'll talk to them together.
Sister: What? No. We can't tell them.
Me: Why not? They need to know babe..
Sister: Why can't YOU help me.
Me: I will do everything I can do, I will be here anytime you need to talk, I'll get you out of the house, and we'll spend time together, but I'm not your legal guardian.. in proper terms, I can't get you any other kinda of support. Thats why mum and dad need to know.
Sister: But they'll be mad.
Me: No they wont, they'll just want to help.
Sister: They were angry with you.
Me: Yeah, I know.. but it'll be okay. They wont be angry.
Sister: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. *please don't get angry!*
Sister: Okay..
Me: How are you sleeping at the moment?
Sister: I keep waking up during the night..Me: Oh right, how come?
Sister: I don't know.. I just do, and then I cant sleep for a few hours.
Me: Again babe, I'm very glad you told me, I promise I will do everything I can to get you some support.. would you mind talking to someone about these kinda things babe?
Sister: I dont know. Mum and Dad wouldn't like it.
Me: Don't worry about them, I'll handle them, do you think it would help to have someone to talk to?
Sister: Yeah, maybe.
Me: I'll speak to Dad, and we'll see what we can do.
[Note: this isn't the full conversation. Just most of the relevant bits..
I also missed out a lot of *shrugging* and 'I don't know's']
Okay. Now, I'll be honest. My fear. Quite seriously.
Is that my parents will do nothing about it.
Whether its because they don't believe it to be enough
of a problem or because they don't think she'd actually do
something to herself.. etc.. Whatever the reason it's obviously
not acceptable but there's only such a point I can 'interfere'
*as they call it* before they'll just refuse to let me go down there to visit.
Which doesn't feel like a helpful option in regards to my sister.
As I feel she'll be needing me there.. but then what can I do to make
sure she gets some support? I really don't know what to do..
There's no way I'll allow them to ignore like they ignored me
when I was younger; the real younger ones have no voice because
we expect the adults to do the right things by them. Obviously
there's no actualy positivity this will happen. You just take the adults
word for it. I cant let things get as bad as they got for me because it
was ignored but I'm not sure if there actually is anything I can do
other then 'pester' my parents and try and get them to see how
important this is...
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